The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the day after is always just damage control
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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