Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
