Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
