also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I need moral support for this bender
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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