Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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