Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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