Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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