Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
