I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We left the knife in your bed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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