So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
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You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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