Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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