I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
