Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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