I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
