you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
