so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
