Fuck appropriateness.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
