hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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