Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
