She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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