haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
