just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Your penis caused this!
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