I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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