Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
