just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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