i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
