I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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