let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
