i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize