I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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