I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
