hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
