i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
