You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
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I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
last night I used snow as a chaser
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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