If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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