im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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