No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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