I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
