why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
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