I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
