I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
