dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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