Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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