she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
