I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
