3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
