she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
zippers are such a cool invention
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
