i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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