did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
