So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
