The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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