i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
