it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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