So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
