he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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