I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
