he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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