And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
