no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
