Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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