He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize