Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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