Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
