yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
