i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
