Your dad touched me again.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
