So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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