Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
