Don't you send me to vm
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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