i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
