he wants to bone in the snuggie
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
